Weddings, Llamas, and Misunderstandings
by darkalbino
Summary: Weddings have never been this strange. Wedding giftfic for Jelp and Yuuko Uchiha. SasuNaru, KibaHina. HAPPY WEDDING DAY JELP! AND HAPPY SASUNARU DAY TOO! 8D


**Title**: Weddings, Llamas, and Misunderstandings

**Rating**: I actually think it's "T", but I put "M", just in case.

**Author**: darkalbino

**Written For: **Jelp and Yuuko Uchiha

~throws confetti and flower petals in the air~ This little crackish ficcie is for my wonderful sis, Jelp, who is getting married tomorrow! HAPPY WEDDING DAY BB! 8D but it's also for the lovely YuukoUchiha, because she is super nice and is a theme master and I owe her a wedding fic from ages ago n.n''

**Warnings**: some het and some yaoi, language.

**Disclaimer**: I disclaim.

**Beta**: Master of the Rebels

* * *

**xxxWeddings, Llamas, and Misunderstandingsxxx**

"Sakura, it's _fine_!" Naruto hollered as Sakura once _again_ straightened out the fox ears sticking out of the top of his head.

They were standing in front of the entrance to K Plaza, the hotel that their long-time friends, Hinata and Kiba, had rented for their wedding today. Naruto had come in with his boyfriend, Sasuke, ready to hit the buffet area, when Sakura had scurried up to him and began fretting over his clothes and overall "sloppy and disrespectful" appearance, as she had put it.

Sasuke had rolled his eyes at Sakura's arrival and ditched both of them without a word.

The woman sniffed and pushed the headband down against Naruto's scalp. "If by 'fine' you mean _horrendously crooked_ then please, Naruto, be quiet while I screw it up."

Naruto snorted, pursing his lips in a pout as Sakura's hands smoothed down his wine-red, button-up dress shirt to ease out the wrinkles. He reached up to scratch at his head, only to have his hand smacked back down. "Ow!"

"Don't touch it! You'll mess it up!" She scolded, her black mini-dress hiking up slightly when she reached behind Naruto to ruffle the hair out behind his head, standing on her tip-toes.

Naruto quirked a brow as the smooth, creamy skin of Sakura's thigh peeked out from the dark fabric. He flicked his gaze up to the matching cat ears on her head, contrasting greatly to the bright pink of her hair. He grinned. "You know, you look super hot in that, Sakura."

Sakura smiled at the compliment and finished with his hair, lowering herself to her normal height. "Thanks, but I don't think Sasuke would have appreciated that."

Naruto chuckled. "Mmm, that bastard's pretty hot when he gets jealous." He started unbuttoning his cuffs. "Jerk totally ditched us though-"

Sakura slapped his hand away. "Naruto! Stop messing up my hard work!"

"OW! _Damn_ it, Sakura!" He brought his hand up to his mouth and sucked on the spot where she hit him before letting it go with a wet 'pop.' "This is so stupid anyway! Who the hell wants their guests to dress up as animals for a wedding?" He yelled, glaring at the red mark on his hand rather than at Sakura, as that would earn him a red mark on his face.

Sakura rolled her green eyes at his whining. "Hinata wanted an animal-themed wedding, and you know Kiba is…he's-"

"Her bitch?"

"Naruto!"

Naruto's arms flew out defensively. "What?! I'm just sayin'!"

Sakura shook her head and reached behind her, pulling at the long, black tail sewed to her dress. "Well _I_ think it's a creative idea," she said.

Naruto scoffed and looked over his shoulder, frowning at the orange, fluffy tail sticking out of his butt through his pants. "Uh-huh…"

The woman giggled. "It looks cute! Where was Sasuke's costume? I don't think I saw him wearing one."

Naruto sniffed and shrugged. "Dunno, he said if Kiba was expecting him to dress up in some stupid animal costume, then Kiba better 'damn well' buy the costume for him, because he-"

"Wasn't going to waste his time on something so frivolous and moronic?" Sakura completed his sentence, smiling.

Naruto blinked, and then laughed. "Yeah. He was supposed to give it to Sasuke when we got here, but I didn't get to see what it was because _someone_ decided to play dress-up Naru-"

"Finish that sentence and your nose will match your shirt."

Naruto's mouth went slack, and he let out a nervous chuckle before grinning at his friend and holding out his arms. "Am I _presentable_ now?"

Sakura looked to her side and waved her hand dismissively. "I've done what I can."

Naruto blanched and Sakura patted his cheek with an amused little smile. "You look fine, and you should probably go find Sasuke. He was going towards the dining area-"

"HELL YEAH!" Naruto gave her a quick hug and ran off.

Sakura was momentarily disoriented from the hug, and reached out for his retreating form when she gathered her senses. "Naruto, wait! Sasuke –"

Naruto disappeared around a corner and Sakura's arm fell to her side, an irritated glower on her face. "Went the other way," she finished quietly.

**x-X-0-X-x**

"Christ, just how fucking big is this place? I'm lost and it's only one goddamn floor," Naruto muttered as he walked down a long hallway lined with several doors.

He stopped suddenly and crossed his arms. "Stupid bastard, this is somehow completely his fault."

Naruto clicked his tongue and looked over his shoulder. "I should probably go back." He groaned and smacked his hand against his forehead. "I should probably stop talking to myself out loud, too."

He lowered his hand and turned around, walking back down the way he came.

"Ooooh…"

Naruto froze. His eyes flickered from left to right, uncertain where the noise had come from. "Uh…hello?"

"Mhnn.."

Naruto flinched before he continued walking quickly, following the sound, leading him to stop in front of one of the doors. He stared at the partially open wood and blinked twice. It definitely hadn't been making noise when he'd passed by it the first time.

"Oh, yes!"

Naruto jumped back slightly with a soft, startled cry. He bit his lip and slowly leaned forward, placing his fingertips on the door, pushing it open just the tiniest bit.

And what he saw was so damn earth shattering, it made Naruto question _everything_ he'd ever believed in.

Hinata was shoved up against the wall; her wedding gown hiked up around her waist with her legs wrapped around a man who was thrusting repeatedly in and out of her. A man with long, red hair, of which Hinata had a tight grip on and was yanking towards herself as she moaned loudly.

Naruto's eyes nearly bugged right out of his head, his jaw dropping as he stared at the couple. "Holy _shit_!" He whispered, stumbling back from the door.

A man who was definitely _not_ Kiba was fucking the _bride_ up against a wall! And she was enjoying it! Hell, Hinata was tugging that shit like her fucking life depended on it!

Naruto stood in the middle of the hallway for a good two minutes or so, simply opening and closing his mouth in disbelief and flailing his arms around in shock while he turned back and forth in uncertain little half-circles.

Then, rather abruptly, he stopped, let out another "Holy _shit_," and then bolted out of the hallway.

**x-X-0-X-x**

When Naruto _finally_ managed to find the buffet room, he quickly looked over people's heads for Sasuke, spotting him at a small, white table conversing with their friend, Shikamaru.

Naruto inhaled sharply and maneuvered his way through the throng of people, merely tipping his head with an apologetic smile when his friends tried to greet him.

He clasped his hand over his boyfriend's shoulder when he reached him. "Sasuke! You won't _believe_-" His words cut off when Sasuke turned to him, lips snapping shut as he stared at Sasuke with wide eyes.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed as Naruto's lips began quivering in what Sasuke knew to be an effort to repress laughter.

Naruto's mind blocked out everything except for the long, brown, fuzzy ears sticking out from Sasuke's head, curving inward slightly, almost like horns. A snigger broke through his teeth before he folded his lips and covered his mouth, looking away from Sasuke.

Sasuke grit his teeth and flushed slightly, knowing full and well what Naruto was laughing at. "Something funny, _dobe_?"

Naruto's hand fell away so he was full-blown laughing. "Are those – aha! – Are those _llama_ ears, Sasuke?!"

A vein began pulsing in Sasuke's forehead, and he shot up from the table to hover over Naruto in an intimidating manner, the little tail hanging out of his pants swaying a bit from the movement.

Shikamaru was dressed as a deer, a small set of antlers settled on his head. He glanced at the fuming Uchiha before explaining with a tiny, mildly interested frown, "Kiba said it was the 'bitchiest' animal he could find, and that if Sasuke didn't wear it, he'd be backing down, which would 'assert his bitch status'."

Naruto's laughter died down slowly under Sasuke's glare, until he cleared his throat, lips pulling down at their corners. "I, uh, Sasuke, I gotta talk to you for a minute." He looked to Shikamaru while grabbing Sasuke's hand. "We'll see you later."

Shikamaru yawned and waved them away with his hand, clearly not interested.

Naruto tugged Sasuke with a soft grunt, pulling him around guests until they were outside of the buffet room. He turned to Sasuke and yanked him closer, his other hand coming up to cup the side of his mouth as he whispered in Sasuke's face, "You're never going to believe what I saw!"

Sasuke snorted and jerked his hand out of Naruto's grasp. "Probably not, so you shouldn't waste your breath telling me."

Naruto's arms flew out and began swinging around wildly, causing Sasuke to skip back to avoid being hit. "No no! Listen! I was looking for you – or, for the food, actually – and I got lost-"

"Shocker."

"Shut up and listen! I was in a hallway with some doors, and one of them was kinda open and there were a bunch of…noises, and stuff, so I kinda peeked and – holy shit, Sasuke, you know what I saw?"

"This is getting very boring, very fast, dobe-" He was cut off as Naruto fisted Sasuke's black dress shirt in both hands and wrenched him forward so they were nose to nose.

"I saw Hinata fucking some dude who wasn't Kiba. Some guy with really long red hair! It was unbelievable!"

Sasuke quirked a brow, reaching up to pry Naruto's fingers off of him. "Precisely why I don't believe you."

"Wh…" Naruto's face slowly twisted into a heavy glower. "The _fuck_? What do you mean you don't believe me?! I saw it! You know I'm not a liar, fucking dick-faced bastard!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and flicked Naruto on the forehead, a habit he'd picked up from his brother. "I know you're not, you idiot. But it's _Hinata_, the woman can barely stutter a word and you expect me to believe she's juggling two men?"

Naruto huffed, placing his hands on his hips. "You really don't believe me." He licked his lips and grabbed Sasuke by his shirt. "C'mon, llama boy, I'm gonna show you."

Sasuke scowled as Naruto tugged him along, swearing the next time he and Kiba were alone he was going to beat the shit out of him within an inch of his life.

**x-X-0-X-x**

"Hn, well dobe, you and I must be shattering records with the thunderous roar of our sex, because this is quietest fucking I've ever heard in my life." Sasuke muttered, staring at Naruto with an arched eyebrow as they stood in the empty room Naruto had brought them to.

Naruto flushed, glaring at the wall he'd seen Hinata up against earlier. "I'm telling you! They were in here!"

Sasuke snorted and stuck his hands in the pockets of his slacks, then promptly walked out of the room.

Naruto squawked and hurried to follow his boyfriend, grabbing his arm in the hallway and jerking him back. "I can't believe you think I'm lying!"

Sasuke turned to him, an irritated frown on his face. He shook Naruto's arm off and reached behind him to shut the door to the room, then stepped forward so Naruto bumped against it. "I'm sure whatever you saw was just a misunderstanding."

Naruto growled and yelled at the other man, "Bullshit! How do you 'misunderstand' someone else's dick up your friend's fiancée?! I'm gonna tell Kiba!"

"Dumbass, don't get involved in things that are only going to make you look stupider than you already are."

"Like I'm gonna take any of your insults seriously when you're dressed up as a fucking llama! And Kiba was right; you're a mean little bitch, so it's a perfect match!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, his teeth gritting.

"Llamas, they can be pretty likeable one minute and then the next, they're spitting in your face! Which is exactly what you're doing by not believing me!"

Naruto had begun rambling, and didn't notice the way Sasuke opened his mouth and made a hacking noise.

"And you're acting like more of an asshole today than usual! Even before the damn costume! You were even complaining when I was sucking your dick in the car on the way here, what is that bullsh – ah!"

Sasuke's lips pulled into a smirk as he watched Naruto blink and slowly reach up to swipe his fingers over the liquid now coating his cheek. "Moron," he murmured under his breath.

Naruto's lips parted in astonishment as he looked at his fingers. He rubbed his forefinger and thumb together before looking up at Sasuke in disbelief. "Did you just…Did you just _spit_ on me, Sasuke?"

Sasuke chuckled. "What? Isn't that what llamas do when they're frustrated?"

Naruto looked back to his fingers, smearing Sasuke's saliva between them with a look that was border-lining fascination. He'd been a little shocked at first but now that he was getting over that, he was finding the thought of Sasuke spitting on him kind of…dirty, and sort of…fuck, sort of _hot_.

Sasuke leaned back a bit so he could look down at Naruto through dark eyes. "And of course I'm angrier today than usual; you think I'm enjoying watching you walk around with that little fox tail sticking out of your ass and not being able to do anything about it? And then Sakura was touching y-"

"Do it again." Naruto ordered, completely disregarding everything Sasuke had said.

Sasuke frowned. "What?" He gasped when Naruto fisted his shirt and jerked him in so they pressed against each other. "Spit on me again! DO IT!"

Sasuke, slightly confused, scowled and grabbed Naruto's fingers, trying to twist them out of his shirt. "Dobe!"

Naruto growled and abruptly smashed his lips against Sasuke's, his free hand wedging between them to grab his boyfriend roughly through his pants.

Sasuke abandoned Naruto's hand on his shirt and instead grabbed at his hips, wrenching him forward so he pressed hard against his own hand, and as a result, harder against Sasuke's stirring arousal.

Naruto's fingers worked quickly over Sasuke, harshly massaging his cock through the fabric of his pants. He broke the kiss and panted heavily before quickly sealing it again, swallowing the delicious groan Sasuke poured into his mouth.

Sasuke began bucking into Naruto's hand, wriggling his tongue into the moist heat of his mouth as his hands slid back under Naruto's thighs and jerked them up to wrap around his waist, holding him against the door.

His intention had been to irritate Naruto, not get him horny, but damn if he was complaining.

Naruto's mouth opened obscenely over Sasuke's, their tongues entwined before he closed his lips and gave a vigorous suck.

Sasuke shuddered; every heavy slam of his hips against Naruto's causing his body to bang loudly against the door.

Naruto moaned loudly and struggled to free his hand from between him and Sasuke. When he succeeded, he moved them both under Sasuke's arms and down his back, sliding into his pants to grab two handfuls of his firm ass, making Sasuke pound faster against him.

Naruto whined and tossed his head back, a mixed string of his and Sasuke's saliva dribbling down his chin. He lowered his head, hips pivoting against Sasuke's as he grinned at him, digging his fingernails into Sasuke's flesh. "That's it, llama boy, give it to me!"

Sasuke grunted, sweat droplets collecting at his forehead as he glared at Naruto. "You're such a-"

An announcement rung throughout the hotel, informing all guests of the "Inuzuka and Hyuuga Wedding" to gather in the ceremony room, drowning out Sasuke's words.

Sasuke pressed his hips up and held them there, dropping his head against Naruto's chin with a soft breath. "Fuck, we have to go," he rasped.

Naruto shook his head rapidly and pushed Sasuke into him from the hold he had on his behind, encouraging him to keep going, his erection throbbing in his pants. "No no! No, they won't even miss us, keep going!"

Sasuke's head shot up, cheeks damp and reddened. "You're the best man, you idiot!"

Naruto's hands flew out of Sasuke's pants and into his own hair as he banged his head against the door with a frustrated yell. "_Damn_ it, Kiba! I'm gonna fucking kill 'im!"

Sasuke snorted and began setting Naruto down, already feeling his arousal soften at the thought of sitting through a stupid wedding for God knows how long. Dressed as a stupid llama, no less. "For once dobe, I second that."

**x-X-0-X-x**

In the ceremony room, Naruto's heart fell as he took his place beside Kiba and remembered why he and Sasuke had been in the hallway in the first place.

But then again, Sasuke's private bits held fantastic distraction abilities for Naruto.

Hinata was his friend, but so was Kiba, and Naruto felt Kiba had a right to know what he had seen, no matter what happened afterward. So he swallowed thickly and reached for his friend, tugging at his sleeve.

Kiba looked to his best man, brows furrowed as he pulled his arm out of Naruto's grip. "What is it, blondie?"

Naruto stared at him for a moment, just opening and closing his mouth, then cleared his throat and looked him in the eye. "Uh, Kiba…I'm not…I'm not really sure how to tell you this, but earlier…earlier I saw Hinata and…and uh…"

Kiba had turned fully to him now, crossing his arms. "And? What about her?"

Naruto swallowed again, his mouth going dry as he looked away from Kiba, unable to hold his gaze. "She was uh…I saw her with this guy, with long, red hair and she was…he…" His face flamed. "I'm sorry, Kiba-"

"You can stop right there, blondie, I know who you're talking about."

Naruto flinched and looked up, surprised to find Kiba's face as cherry red as his own and looking off to the side rather than at Naruto. "You know him?"

Kiba sniffed and rubbed his finger under his nose. "First off, don't go poking your nose in places where it don't belong…like slightly open hotel room doors."

"Kiba, how do you-"

"Because that guy was _me_, you dumbass." Kiba snapped under his breath.

"You?!" Naruto whispered back, his eyes impossibly wide. "The hell do you mean that was you?!"

Kiba nervously adjusted the dog ears on his head and glanced at Naruto. "I appreciate you telling me, though, you're a good friend. But Hinata would never do something like that, okay?"

Naruto's arm waved back and forth spastically. "You're not answering my question! What do you mean that was you?!" He asked again sternly.

Kiba made a hesitant sound and sighed softly, looking around for a moment before grabbing Naruto and pulling him a little closer. "Hinata has this thing for hair pulling, and sometimes…she says my hair's not long enough, and she makes me wear the wig when we have sex so she can wrap it around her fingers and…and my neck and stuff when she's not using the collar-"

"Okay!" Naruto hollered, jerking away from Kiba and avoiding eye contact with him. "I get it, Hinata's in charge."

He didn't know whether to find it sad or funny that Kiba didn't deny his statement.

Feeling like a complete and utter moron (and immensely pissed off at the fact that Sasuke had been right), Naruto flushed slightly as _The Bridal Chorus_ began and everyone turned to look at the entrance to the room, where Hinata stood with her father.

She looked like the picture of innocence, with her white gown, little mouse ears and shy smile.

Naruto would forever know now of the wild dominatrix hidden behind that deceptive face.

He looked over the sea of heads until his eyes caught Sasuke's, the only gaze not on the bride. His flush deepened when Sasuke's lips slowly spread into a mocking smirk, somewhat lessened because of the llama ears, and Naruto had this gut feeling that, somehow, Sasuke had known exactly who the red-haired guy was. He just wanted to be the sadistic, punk bitch he was and not tell Naruto about it.

But nevertheless, Naruto grinned back at him. He'd learned two very interesting facts today.

One, Kiba really _was_ Hinata's bitch, through and through.

And two, Sasuke made one _damn_ sexy llama boy.

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**Oh, the crack XD and excuse the lack of awesome please D8 this was rushed and not planned very well, i wanted to have it done by today ;__;  
**

**Of course I'm not hoping Jelp's wedding goes like this...minus the hot boys making out in the hallway for her viewing pleasure, I want that for her :]**

**and introducing llama!Sasuke XD an idea given to me by Master of the Rebels, who's b-day is on Sunday ~loves on her~**

**OH! AND HAPPY SASUNARU DAY!! 8D (that's today for uh..those who don't know...)**

**~darkalbino  
**

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